In this day and age not many people take the time to reflect on who they were, who they are and who they truly want to become. Or, maybe I’m wrong and numero uno is all they think about? In any case, most of us don’t take the time or even have the time to reflect on our lives and the people we are blossoming into. We just keep on living the dream; every day a revolving door which leads seamlessly into the next.
Fortunately, I’ve been given time through circumstances beyond my control and I’m grasping at it with all my might. I know the value in this abundance of time and I want to make the most of it. I want to revisit who I am, what is important in my life and what I’d like to do with the opportunities I’ve been given.
Over the last couple years, I had settled into a part-time job after spending many years trudging through a 40 hour work week and numerous additional hours at home making up for my absence. Whether I was a single mom or newly married, I worked to earn a paycheck, period.
A full time job coupled with everyday household maintenance was stressful on me and my family. It caused conflict, exhaustion and some days negativity seemed to flow from our pores. More and more I began to feel like the actual act of living was traded for money – life was consumed by our jobs with very little time left for anything else.
When I reduced my hours to part-time, it wasn’t all roses and rainbows. It took some time to adjust and along with it came lots of lists. Initially, it was difficult to balance my husband’s expectations and the reality of what could be accomplished in the space of a day. Lists kept me on track and communication kept my husband feeling confident that my reduced hours would be a benefit to the household.
With the downturn in the economy, my part-time hours turned into being laid off. It was totally unexpected but in hindsight I think it was a blessing in disguise. We were in the process of purchasing our new farmstead which caused a bit of anxiety, but now I had oodles of precious time. I had time to put in a full day’s work on our new home demolition and remodel project. It would have taken us years juggling around two jobs with only weekends and evenings to spend working on the house.
The days were grueling, quite brutal really. From the moment my eyes caught the dawn light, I was hard at it. I removed walls, carpet, flooring and so many bent nails I refuse to spend more time reflecting on them. But, it wasn’t just the house, it was the lawn, the new gardens, the animals and the everyday things such as cooking and cleaning that made me weary. I felt sore, accomplished, happy, tired, very fulfilled and so ready to stop living in our camper.
Now, as I find myself officially unemployed and living in the home we worked so hard to create, I find I want more. I want to accomplish the things I’ve always dreamed about beyond the chickens and the farm. I want to take my writing to a new level and challenge myself; writing not just a simple blog but a full fledged novel. I want to find my creative passion and put it to work…put me to work…doing something I love.
Whether or not I have the talent and motivation to make this a reality remains to be seen. Staying on task can be difficult when so many other things are tugging at my shirt tails.
As I’ve gotten older my ability to focus has put it’s hands up in surrender. So, at the top of my list…the first box to check each day will be to follow my dreams. Close behind that will be the usual boxes for laundry, cat litter, dusting and scrubbing the bathroom toilet. After all, nobody said living the dream would be blissful all the time.